Decisions

A most pressing issue in my life of late is what to do with my life career wise. There are things I feel pulled toward. I am not one of those people who knew at the age of 8 they wanted to be a doctor or a police officer.
There are times when I really wish I was so passionate about something that would be my focus, but that is not the case.
We don't have the money for me to "find myself" in multiple areas of study or interest.
I can't even chose to follow my right brain or my left brain. I am a Rei~Ki Two Practitioner for humans and animals. I've made $60.00 giving Rei~Ki to a client.
I like the idea of massage school and the holistic life but I fear I wouldn't be able to sell myself and the idea of selling myself to people is frightening.
I could be in the regimented world as a dispatcher for police and 911 and that would satisfy my need for order and predictability and to be "part of the action".
Since I had to quite college years ago because of changes in money lending for college students I don't have a degree so if I wanted to be a mental health therapist I'd have to start from square one with college and that would be cost prohibitive.

So I can't even figure out to go with my hands on spiritual "out there" leanings, the massage, Rei~Ki, psychic stuff OR the straight forward, order, human based stuff.

Fear is a factor. Fear of wasting money on training only to have it wasted because I can't be around granola munching, hippie extremists or that I can' be around their exact opposites.

Fear that if I chose the massage stuff I could make my money back and help people. What if I realize though I can't touch people.
What if I can touch people and I create a very unique massage/psychic or Rei~Ki psychic experience I have to go sell myself. Which seems frightening.

What would the people in my town think they found out I am the "odd mystic" type?

I can't even completely understand Rei~Ki let alone explain it to someone without thinking I sound like a cult nut.

I really wish I was the person who knew what they wanted to do. That would be the BIGGEST help.

Or does one take out a loan for college, amass debt and not be able to use their degree and pay debt off.

I can think myself dizzy.

Hello

Please don't expect much right now as this is my first foray into blogging.
Once I get started I will be talking about a variety of things. Mental health issues, medical issues, figuring out what I want to do with my life and why I can't seem to make a decision.